Our Broken System Needs To Be Fixed: A response to the Jian Ghomeshi verdict

For a long time now I have been increasingly frustrated and enraged by the discourse that’s happening around sexual assault, consent, violence against women. As a conflict-avoider, I have been afraid to step into the conversational battlefield. As a short-fused person, I have had to remove myself even as a spectator to avoid jumping into a battle I wouldn’t feel equipped to handle. But honestly, I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to come to terms with the sheer ignorance and gleeful hatred with which some people are responding to the Jian Ghomeshi verdict that was released yesterday.

I don’t know that any of us could have been surprised by that verdict. If you followed the trial even loosely it was clear that the judge was going to have rule in Ghomeshi’s favour. I think that makes us have to ask the question – what is wrong with this system in which the judicially correct result is to find innocent a man who freely admits to choking women and punching them in the head?

Yes, we have to talk about what consent really means. That’s a huge problem, partly because consent usually comes down to a he-said/she-said scenario — sorry for the hetero norming, I fully acknowledge this can happen in any relationship dynamic — and in a patriarchal society which defaults to giving men power and voice, the ‘he-said’ part of that equation always holds more weight. So let’s be clear…

Consent does not mean ‘you said yes to going out with me so now I get to do whatever I want to your body’. Consent does not mean ‘you sent me a bikini photo later so you were obviously ok with what I did to you before’. Consent means that in the moment, in every moment, both parties are each individually fully capable of making the decision to engage in a behaviour, are freely choosing to do so, and are fully capable of withdrawing/ending that interaction without fear of personal harm/retribution. When you’re on a fun date with a guy and he suddenly and unexpectedly assaults you, that’s not consent.

But this case in particular wasn’t really about consent since it’s pretty clear the women couldn’t have consented to those assaults, so it became all about the women’s behaviour after the assaults occurred. So, let’s set aside consent for a moment, because we really need to talk about the system itself.

We have a system that requires traumatized people to behave in untraumatized ways in order to be believed. A system that doesn’t take any responsibility for understanding what ‘normal’ behaviour is following an assault, or years of abuse, but has full power to rule on that behaviour. A system that seems to require victims to prove that they didn’t somehow invite the assault rather than focusing on the fact that an assault occurred.

We have a system that requires victims to find strength in the exact areas they’ve been wounded – confidence, clarity, consistency – none of which are compatible with the symptoms of trauma in people who have experienced abuse. It would be like asking someone with a broken leg to prove it’s broken by jumping on it over and over again – they just can’t do it, but that doesn’t mean the leg’s not broken. A woman traumatized by assault can’t remember details with 100% fullness or precision, that doesn’t mean the assault didn’t happen. A woman traumatized by years of abuse can’t explain why she didn’t leave after the first time he hit her, that doesn’t mean he didn’t hit her. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean she consented to being hit.

This system supports abusers. Yes, there has to be presumption of innocence, but there also needs to be understanding of reality and what can be considered to be reasonable behaviour in the context of trauma. The system favours the abuser from the moment a woman is asked to tell her story while she is still confused and trying to make sense of what has happened to her, to the moment much later on when every detail of her initial report is being examined under a microscope and questioned.

‘Why did you talk to him after he suddenly punched you in the head? That doesn’t make sense.’ Neither does somebody suddenly punching you in the head.

‘Why did you make him breakfast in the morning after he raped you the night before? That doesn’t make sense.’ Neither does being raped by someone you had previously always been able to trust.

Assault and abuse don’t make sense, so of course victims are going to be confused and it can take a long time to sort out realities. There is a process called cognitive dissonance by which a person tries to reconcile mutually exclusive pieces of information – inevitably one thing has to stop being true but it can often be excruciatingly confusing to figure out which one.

If you’re on a fun date with a ‘nice guy’ who then assaults you, you have to try to make sense of that. Is he a nice guy or is he a violent guy? Which personality that was presented to you on that fun date is the right one? Taking it further, if you have years of established trust with someone who then rapes you, you are trying to reconcile a large amount of data (years of trust) with one piece of directly conflicting data (the rape). How long might it take to make sense of that?

To an outsider it may seem black and white, but imagine a trusted person in your life did this to you right now, would it be so clear to you? Imagine through your whole life you have been conditioned to believe that if something bad happens to you, it’s probably your fault – you asked for it, you made yourself too pretty, you laughed too much – would it be so clear to you? Imagine everyone else thinks this other person is such a great person and they suggest that maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding – would it be so clear to you then? How hard would you work to try to find some answers, to make it all make sense somehow? Would you talk to other people? Would you try to talk to or see this ‘trusted person’ again, to try to gather more data? Would you be confused?

Until you’re in the situation yourself you can’t possibly know how you’d react, but if you listen to the stories of people who have been there, and if you read some of the studies that have gathered information from large groups of survivors, you can start to get an idea that ‘normal’ takes on a whole new meaning after abuse.Normal isn’t what outsiders would judge it to be, it’s shifted and confusing and messy. Don’t judge what you don’t know, and if you want to judge, then learn what you don’t know.

Our broken system needs to be fixed.

We need in-depth training for everyone from police officers to judges so that they can understand the impact of trauma on survivors of violence. We need society to stop blaming victims, and start deciding that it is simply not acceptable for men to abuse women (physically, sexually, financially, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually). We need women to stop competing with each other for men’s attention and start supporting each other to create a stronger, safer society for all of us. And we need men to recognize that we’re simply asking for fairness and safety and the right to control our own bodies, which are not unreasonable demands.

I believe that most people fundamentally support the ideas of safety and fairness for women and accountability for crimes committed, but I think some people are afraid of what change would look like and what that might mean for them. In the absence of knowledge and understanding, these people are resorting to extremist illogical arguments to try to protect the status quo. I get it, change is uncomfortable, but change is also necessary.

I would like us all to be able to work together, to have open and respectful discourse to try to problem solve our way to a reasonable solution for this serious problem. But if that’s not possible, then I just want to be very clear: no matter how many generations it takes, no matter how many insults and personal attacks are thrown at us along the way, we will not stop, we will not be silenced, and change will come, whether you like it or not.

And suddenly, she was dating…

Healing from abuse is a crazy ride. Just over two years ago, I walked away from an abusive guy, cut off all contact and decided it was time to ‘deal with my shit.’ No more distractions, no dating, just me and my mountain of baggage.

I cried, I drank, I got depressed, I ate Nutella by the truckload, I got confused, I ran, I got angry, I did yoga, I felt like giving up on life, I isolated. I blogged about it, a lot, and will forever be thankful for the online community of caring strangers who caught me every time I was falling, strangers who knew exactly what I was going through because they had been through it too.

Over time I slowly started to find my footing, but still didn’t know if I’d ever be able to take the plunge into dating again. It’s a scary prospect, once you know for sure that there is evil in the world, that there are people out there perpetually hunting for someone to hurt. It feels safer to stay behind the wall.

I told myself as long as I felt any internal drive or pressure to date, it was a sign that I wasn’t ready to be dating. I told myself that for two years and eventually settled comfortably into imagining the rest of my life as a single woman. (With cats, of course.)

I learned to travel alone, and to set goals that were mine and mine alone. I learned to hold my own in a room of married people, I learned how to cheer myself up on bad days and how to stop binging on that damn Nutella.

And now suddenly, unexpectedly, here I am… dating.

As it turns out, all this time I’ve been figuring myself out and making sense of my life, I’ve also somehow figured out where to draw my lines – boundaries, if you will – and how to enforce them.

It turns out I can tell the difference now between good and evil, between caring and controlling, between genuine and manipulative. I know there are evil people out there but now I can recognize them, and that gives me tremendous power and protection.

I can also recognize the good people and appreciate them. I can take it slow, proceeding on my own terms, because good people understand and respect that. Good people treat me with consideration without me having to ask for it, they just do it because that’s who they are. As “he” says: it’s nice to be nice.

To my utter amazement, on my first swim back in the dating pool, I managed to avoid all the sharks in all their different forms, and find a good guy – one who is open and honest and thoughtful and smart and funny and all the things I want and deserve in my life; one who recognizes and appreciates all those things in me, too. One who I can hang out with easily for hours with endless conversation meandering between utter hilariousness and sincere seriousness. One who is as amazed to have found me, as I am to have found him.

Two years ago I couldn’t have imagined this would ever be possible again, but here it is – proof that there is light if you fight your way through the dark, and that there is good in a world that is also evil. Through all the inner wars and doubts and fears I have somehow emerged victorious – stronger, smarter, and surer.

Who knows what will come of this new relationship, it really doesn’t even matter. I am just taking every day as it comes, still marvelling to be suddenly in this new world, in the light again, very unexpectedly but quite happily… dating.

Dating

 

2015: Year in Review

Heading into 2015, I had a feeling it was going to be a great year and it was! Since turning 40 last year felt like a rebirth, this first year in my ‘new life’ was unsurprisingly a year of great growth. Here are my highlights of 2015:

1) Universal connection. In the Spring I took my second solo trip, this time to Iceland where I was humbled by spectacular glaciers, terrifying winter driving, and an unexpected spiritual expansion that kept sparking my soul on every day of the trip. I learned on this trip that I’m tough, and vulnerable, and connected to the universe in deeper ways than I’d ever known before.

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2) I found my place. Mid-year, I left the women’s agency where I’d worked since my move out of the corporate world three years ago, and joined a different women’s agency. It was an emotional move that was made primarily for financial reasons, not because I’d wanted to leave. I feared I would regret leaving a place I love, but with four months under my belt now I know that I am where I’m meant to be. This takes me to #3…

3) I found my voice. For reasons unknown to me, at this new agency, I speak my mind, I go against the grain, I’m referred to as someone who is ‘shaking things up’, all of which are tremendously out of character for me. I have always been afraid of rocking the boat and saying something people disagree with, but now it just flows out of me whether I like it or not. For the first month or two of speaking my mind, it was actually incredibly unsettling. I would go home and question over and over why I had said whatever I’d said and what the potential ramifications might be; yet, the very next day, I would go in and rock the boat again. Now I don’t worry about it anymore, I love that I’ve found my voice and my team is so relieved to finally have someone providing real leadership. I have no doubt that I’m where I’m meant to be, becoming the person I’m meant to be.

B612-2015-09-13-20-41-524) |-/. This is the symbol for Twenty One Pilots, a band that sings about the struggle of fighting depression and anxiety; a band that urges their listeners to stay alive; a band whose fans continuously say “thank you for saving my life”. I discovered TOP last year, but 2015 was the year I really became a die-hard fan. I got to know what the boys were all about, I went to my first TOP concert with my little sister this Fall (our first concert together), and next year I’ll be going to see them again with my son and his friend. Twenty One Pilots does more than get me through the hard days, they have become a bonding agent between me and the twenty-somethings in my family. I love this band!

chicago first class5) A first class year. Thanks to a generous offer from my sister and an Aeroplan glitch that prompted even more generosity, I got to fly business class for my brief trip to Chicago this summer. It was an incredibly fun experience – smoked salmon, white wine, glassware instead of plastic, and all the leg room a girl could ever want on a plane. I loved every second of it! Then, for my birthday last week, my son treated me to a VIP movie experience that reminded me of those first class flights – cushy big seats, good food and wine brought to our seats, and again, all the leg room! What a wonderfully luxurious cap to a great year.

One final thing before I go…

Last year I ended Year in Review with an Imagine Dragons video. The video I’ve selected for this year is Ode to Sleep by Twenty One Pilots (of course) – not just because it’s a great song and a heartwarming video concept that fits beautifully with this year’s theme of growth, but because today is the one year anniversary of this video being posted which I think makes it the perfect fit!

On that note, happy new year blogging friends! I wish you all a happy, healthy 2016 full of love, peace and joy.

Birthday Awesomeness

Guess what – today’s my birthday and I’m giddy about it!

Growing up as a Christmas Eve baby in a family of self-centred people wasn’t easy – often my birthday was completely forgotten, and always it was treated like an inconvenience – so I have had to work HARD to get to the point where my birthday is something to be celebrated rather than dreaded. Over the years I have drowned in depression, flirted with suicidal thoughts, and questioned my worth in this world, but not this year!

I would never have imagined that this year I would be sitting here on this beautiful day, the sun shining and my heart bursting with love for myself and the world, feeling absolutely giddy that it’s my birthday.

So today, on my 41st birthday, grinning like an idiot in this Starbucks sipping my free birthday latte, I want to take a self-indulgent moment to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is me and my life. (I’ll understand if you choose not to read on – I know how annoying super-happy people can be. :))

Awesomeness #1: I have awesome friends! I have done a fair bit of culling and cultivation of friends in the last few years, and I am so blessed now to have people in my life who are loving and supportive and smart and fun and funny. I think for many years I didn’t feel I was deserving of all these great people and their time, but I have come to recognize that I’m a freakin’ awesome person myself and a great friend and they’re as lucky to have me as I am to have them!

Awesomeness #2: It’s fifteen degrees in December. Yes global warming is terrible and I do care tremendously about the environment, but selfishly I am so happy to be basking in the beautiful sunny warmth of today. I don’t have to worry about bundling up or driving in a snowstorm, I can just live my day however I’d like which is an unusual luxury on my birthday. Thanks, universe!

Awesomeness #3: I run! Despite my struggles this year with my back injury and lack of motivation due to work stress, I haven’t given up. Running is my sanity, my freedom, my challenger, my salvation. This morning I went for a run in capris and a light jacket and thought about how today’s run felt like a renewal of vows, of sorts – no matter what obstacles will try to pull us apart, running and I are partners for life. I read about someone who runs his age in miles on every birthday. I doubt I’ll ever be that person (I can’t even run my age in kilometres!), but I think it would be cool to make sure that on every birthday I give myself the gift of running. I’m sure glad I did it today.

Awesomeness #4: Music! In the last couple of years, I have reignited my love affair with music, and become an out-and-proud fangirl of Twenty One Pilots and My Chemical Romance. More than that, though, in my teen years I used to compose songs and dream of becoming a songwriter. After recently sharing that with my son who is a tremendous musician in his own right, he has set me up with a DAW (Digital Audio Workspace) connected to my digital keyboard so that I can start composing again. He says he can’t wait to hear what kind of music I make, and I can’t wait either!

Awesomeness #5: My family sucks, and that’s ok! I’ve finally been able to let go of that impossible dream of turning these blood relatives into a great loving supportive family, because I’ve learned how to give myself that life of peace and love that I was chasing for all those years. My parents and siblings, they’re just part of my story, my history, but they don’t shape my present or future. I don’t have to hate them or need them or feel guilty about not trying harder with them, and I don’t have to love them or like them either. We survived a lot of bad years together, and now we can go in our different directions and that’s totally ok! It’s so lovely to feel free of that weight and claim my life as my own.

And finally…

The greatest awesomeness of all: I make this world a better place. In work, in friendship, in love, I make this world a better place. I’m smart, funny, caring, compassionate, honest, adventurous, life-loving. If I wasn’t here, the world would get along just fine, but I make it just a little better. I don’t do it in big flashy ways – I don’t have millions to donate, I don’t create brilliant inventions, and I don’t compel massive audiences to change their lives – but people in my life have told me they admire me, they respect me, they’re inspired by me and they’re so grateful to have me in their life. My presence brings joy to those around me, and really I can’t think of a better reason than that to celebrate that 41 years ago today, I was born.

So here we are, December 24 2015: Happy birthday to me!

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Me as a little girl

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Me at age 41

Quest for Running Songs: “Delilah”

After a long hiatus, I’m finally getting back up and running – literally! – and am excited to introduce some of my new musical discoveries to fellow runners out there. Today’s selection Delilah comes from Florence + the Machine’s new album How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful. 

Firstly, I’d like to acknowledge that I have never been a fan of this band. When everyone else was going crazy for Dog Days Are Over, I didn’t get what the fuss was about; it just wasn’t my thing. But when I heard Delilah for the first time earlier this year, I was blown away. Within the first few seconds, this song pulled me in with its dark desperate drama, starting with a foreboding undertone that made me want to stick around to find out where it was heading. Hints of anger and frustration pepper the song as it slowly builds with an urgent energy to the driving chorus with the recurring line “It’s a different kind of danger”. Everything about this chorus – the lyrics, the duelling vocal layers, the driving rhythm – combines brilliantly to tap into my primal fight or flight instinct and gets my feet moving as if my own life depended on it.

Not only is this a great song for your next run, it’s really a great song all around. Just one tip: listen to it loud.:)


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Run for the Toad 25k

This year, I had lofty goals to complete my second half marathon as well as my first 25km trail run. Unfortunately, those goals were thwarted by a sudden back problem that started in early July and just wouldn’t go away. After selling my bib for the half marathon in September, I had resigned myself to not participating in the 25km race I’d signed up for. However, the runner’s gift was so good (a Nike backpack), I couldn’t bring myself to let it go so I decided I’d drive the 1.5 hours to Cambridge anyway to pick up my pack and then would go hiking in the area instead of participating in the race.

However, as race day drew closer, I started thinking ‘well if I’m going to go hiking, I may as well hike the race route for a bit to check it out for next year.’ I spoke to my physiotherapist who cautiously gave me permission to do part of the race as long as I agreed to walk the first 2km, then gently run/walk before bailing out at the halfway point. Of course I did none of those things, and so: here is my race report for the Run for the Toad 25k.

run for the toad logo

To spare myself an early morning wakeup, I got a cheap hotel in Cambridge via Priceline for the night before and enjoyed a nice leisurely drive to the race site arriving at a respectable 8:30. Parking was getting full but they had lots of attendants directing us which made it go very smoothly.

I had read that it’s a bit of a hike to pick up race kits and that’s true, but I treated it as a warm-up so I didn’t mind. (This is also how I later justified not walking the first 2km of the race as I’d promised I would. After all, I’d already walked 2 kms or so back and forth from the car so that’s gotta count for something, riiiight?)

Arriving at 8:30 gave me plenty of time to pick up my race kit, go to the washroom, have a coffee and check out the exhibitors. I was glad I hadn’t arrived any earlier, especially since it was a cold day. Happily, Tim Horton’s was very well-stocked with lots of free coffee, timbits, and cookies for everyone – I think most of us were drinking coffee just to stay warm.

Each distance had its own wave, so 25k runners waited a while for their turn to take off. As we all gathered at the start line, one of the race organizers walked through the crowd, front to back, shook people’s hands and wished us good luck – what a nice personal touch! It reminded me why I prefer smaller race events over those huge several-thousand people races.

When the race started, we all took off running but that didn’t last long because within the first kilometre the path narrows a little and goes up a hill and everybody – I mean everybody – walks. I could feel the diehard runners were frustrated at being herded like cattle, but I had purposely started myself at the back of the pack and expected some clogging so I didn’t mind. I imagine you’d have to start yourself pretty close to the front of the pack to avoid that traffic jam, there’s just no getting around it once you’re in it.

The first few kilometres were an easy run over mostly dirt roads and paths. Although it felt like a while before we got into forest, the run was pleasant and the slopes weren’t too bad. It wasn’t long before I started getting cocky, thinking ‘why does everyone say this course is so hilly? I was really being overzealous with all that hill training in June.’ I kept reminding myself that I was only a few kilometres in and really had no idea what the rest of the course would look like, which was a good thing because around the 11th km I met the hill that all runners groan about in race reports. It looks like this (except worse in real life):

run for the toad 25k hill

Photo by Jeff Wemp

At this point I’d like to remind you that the 25k race is two 12.5km loops, so what you encounter at 11k you will encounter again at 23.5km. Ew. I tried not to think about that.

However, one thing you can look forward to encountering a second time is the breath-taking lookout at the sixth kilometre (and again around 18.5). After running on dirt roads and through forest, it is such a lovely surprise to turn a corner and emerge onto the edge of a field with a view as far as the eye can see. It’s one of those moments that just fills your lungs with air and makes you want to spread your arms out wide. (And then the cold, unbroken wind hit and it felt a little less glorious!)

As I approached the end of the first loop, I was feeling pretty strong. I knew the sensible thing to do would be to pull out of the race at 12.5km as my physio guy had instructed, but I was feeling good and figured I knew what was in store for me and that I could handle it.

I was wrong.

There is a reason people follow training plans to prepare for races, and my IT band decided to start reminding me of that around the 14th kilometre. Walking became painful, and downhills were downright excruciating as my knees started locking up. At the 18th kilometre, I hobbled over to the aid station to speak with a medic who offered me a ride to the finish. I hummed and hawed. Once again, I knew the sensible thing would be to accept his offer, but at this point I had come so far and I just hated the idea of a DNF next to my name! I decided to carry on and make judgement calls at each aid station. (A side note on the aid stations – they’re great! So many tasty treats like ju jubes, M&Ms, and chips which I didn’t take advantage of because I was in so much pain but, believe me, next year I will come better prepared!)

At this point I was fully resigned to walking the rest of the race and taking as many knee-resting breaks as needed. The goal was simply to finish without causing too much damage to my IT band. I had seen that, in the previous year, someone had taken 7.5 hours to complete the 25k so I figured I had plenty of time to get this thing one. It was a good lesson in swallowing pride, and the beautiful thing is that I didn’t feel at all looked down upon for walking.

That’s the thing about running – it has a community of amazing and supportive people, which seems to be even more true of the trail running community. I loved how encouraging random strangers were to one another, and I was so grateful when one woman suggested that if I walked backwards down the hills, the IT band pain wouldn’t be so bad. She was right! I really think she saved the day for me. And this woman (below), who was in the same painful boat walked along and chatted with me for a while, telling me about her training goals. (She was training for the Disney Dopey challenge – 4 days of racing starting with a 5km, then a 10km, then a half marathon and finally a full marathon – which sounds absolutely insane to me!)

Run for the Toad 25k 2015

Photo by Jeff Wemp

As I crossed the finish line, a man was directing me to get my medal. With his arms outstretched and my sheer joy at having actually completed the full 25km, I leaned in and announced, “I’m giving you a hug!” He laughed and hugged me back. Man, I love runners. I moved on, got my medal, and hurried to the tent for the meal I’d heard so much about.

The post-race food was catered by St. Jacob’s Catering and it was delicious – salads, grilled chicken, cherry pie. Given that it was such a cold day, it would have been nice if at least some of the food had been warm, and it would have been really nice if the tents had been heated, but I really appreciated that it was more than just a bagel and a banana. This event is a class act.

Unfortunately, I was so completely frozen through that I sat and shivered while I quickly wolfed down my food, then grabbed a coffee (Tim’s was still serving!) and hustled to my car where I sat for several minutes with the heat blasting just to warm up. Next year I’ll either leave a bag by the finish line with a warm hoodie, or I’ll go back to the car to change before I sit down to eat. Lesson learned.

Overall, this was a really well-organized, fun event which offers, in my opinion, great value for the entry fee. I’m really looking forward to doing it again next year, injury-free, and taking full advantage of all those M&Ms along the way!

Run for the Toad 25k 2015 medal


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Before You Apply For That Job: 10 Harsh Truths for Applicants

I am in the midst of hiring for a position in my organization. On Friday, the posting went up onto a fairly well-known online job site which forces applicants to submit their postings through the site. Every day, I tackle the deluge of applications determined to find the gems in the quarry but I am quickly become fatigued. Having now seen how it works on the other side, I have some tips for applicants:

pruned a tree1) If you’ve never done the most important aspects of that job before, don’t apply for it.  If you once did a placement alongside somebody who was doing the job, or you once imagined you would love the job and are very confident that you have the skills to do it well – that’s not enough. This is a competitive job market. Get the experience through volunteering or placements that will actually let you do the work hands-on, or you will just not be able to compete with the other people who have proven they can do the work.

2) I’m probably not going to read your cover letter, but you still have to submit one anyway. I’m serious. I can’t believe how many people aren’t submitting cover letters. I realize it’s obnoxious of me to demand a cover letter since in many cases I won’t even read it, but not submitting a cover letter sends a message of apathy and very minimal effort. If you don’t care enough about the job to tell me why you want it, then I don’t care enough about giving you a chance to come in for an interview.

3) If you don’t update your resume and cover letter to state the current position you’re applying for, I will instantly delete your application. I am spending my evenings reading through applications because I’m too busy at work all day. If I open up your application and you haven’t bothered to update your career goal that states how ardently you hope to obtain some other position in some other company, I will assume you care more about that other job and will not consider you for the one I’m hiring for. And hey, I get it, I’ve been there, it sucks to make mistakes like that, so make sure you check over your application before you submit it and don’t just automatically use whatever file you’ve uploaded before.

4) Don’t submit a four-page resume. If I can get my 20-year career summarized into two pages, then I’m sure you can get your ‘I graduated 3 months ago’ resume edited down from 4 pages. I don’t have the time or the will to wade through four pages of words to try to figure out if you have the skills for this job. If anything, four pages is a red flag that alerts me to the fact that you’re trying to talk your way past having absolutely no experience.

5) If you call my workplace to try to ask about the job, I will not be impressed with your passion, I will be annoyed with your inability to follow rules. We are averaging 20 applications a day for this position, and maybe 2% of them are actually suitable. If I want to talk to you, I will call you after I’ve reviewed your application. If you disregard the request for no phone calls and you call me anyway and interrupt my very busy day, I can promise you that call is not going to go well and it’s just going to work against you.

6) Emailing your resume is not necessarily to your benefit. This may not be true for every other hiring manager, but because I am reviewing applications on my own time outside of the office and ranking those applications directly within the job site’s backend, by emailing your resume I have no way of ranking you or keeping you in the shortlist pile. You are now – at best – sitting separately in a pile of miscellaneous papers on my desk where there is a chance you will get lost in the shuffle. You also risk not having your resume read at all because I don’t actually have time to read resumes during the day, whereas when I go onto the job site I am dedicating time to reading every application.

ability to smell fear7) Having a full page (or more) where you list all your skills in detail is not fooling anyone into thinking you have experience. All I’m doing is scrolling past that long skills section to try to figure out what your actual hands-on work experience is, and the longer I have to scroll the more annoyed I’m becoming with your application. Don’t take it personally. I believe you have the skills but in some positions the lack of experience can result in real damage to both yourself and your client and it would be irresponsible of me to hire someone without meaningful hands-on experience.

8) Proofread. Again. I can’t believe in this time of spellcheckers that people are still submitting resumes with so many mistakes. Use your spellcheck, ask a friend to edit, go to an employment agency. Do whatever you have to do, but don’t submit an application with spelling mistakes, especially if you’re applying for a job that requires any amount of computer work. If you’re making mistakes on applications where you have all the time in the world to get it right, I have every reason to believe you are going to make a lot of mistakes at work and mess up all our record keeping. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

9) If an online site gives you the opportunity to upload a document, put your cover letter and resume into the same document. In the past, I have submitted my cover letter as a separate document but I will never do that again. Every separate link I have to open is more time out of my day/evening, so I am going to the meat and potatoes document first – your resume. In almost all cases, I am making a decision right from there – shortlist or discard. Those applicants that included their cover letter are having it read before I look at the resume, and those applicants that included the cover letter as a separate document are most often not having that letter read. If you want to make sure I see it, include it as the first page in your resume document.

10) Apply for jobs you really, really want. I can’t believe how easy it is to tell when someone is just blanket applying to every posting just to get a job. I understand, you need a paycheque. But I have a team that needs someone who’s going to be in the trenches with them, I have clients that are going to put all their hopes into the hands of this someone, and I need to know we’re all in this together because it’s hard work and you have to love it to do it well. Write compelling objective statements, give meaningful details about your work experience, and tie it all together with a cover letter that tells me why you want this job, not why you want a job. If I like your resume enough, I will read your cover letter.

To those of you doing it well, thank you – you are sitting on our shortlists. You are rising to the top, and it will pay off eventually. I hope to be meeting some of you gems in person someday soon.

Hire_the_Eagle